we are the dreamers

i like you and you like me.

Seriously so happy right now <3

praying that God is putting me in the right place.

fuck insomnia. i have to be up in 2 hours for class and then i work afterwards. cool. i was laying in bed though running stupid these stupid thoughts through my head and all i can think of is the fact that my life is so different than what it could be. and how different people become as time changes. time is a crazy thing you know. one minute you think you are on top of the world and the next you feel like you cant get out of bed. the funny thing about time is that you are able to make a difference in your life depending on how you spend it. you could be depressed and sad and not want to wake up in the morning. and don’t feel bad if you feel this way because we all go through it. but know that with time it will change, you just have to have faith and courage to get out of bed and get going. then there are times where you are on cloud nine everything seems perfect. but like i said before in this rant, time does change. patience is the key. you must be patient and take every moment of your day and live your life to the fullest. if you don’t then you are letting this precious gift god gave you wither away. i often think about how my life would be right now if i hadn’t taken life by its horns and overcome things that were making my time pass by in a way that i wasn’t happy with. sometimes you have to take risks, and even though i did that to better myself, i lost something that i was living my life for. but after months of being sad and not letting anyone know, i am able to use my time for me. call me selfish call me conceded, but nobody in my life was going to make my dreams reality. even though i have hurt people that have meant the world to me and still do, i had to do what was best for me. i might be eight hours away from my family, i might not keep in touch like i should, i might have lost the person that i had every intention on spending the rest of my life with, but this is my life and i have to do everything in my power to achieve my goals. i wish a lot of the time that i could go back and change a couple of things but life is about learning to take risks, and not look back. i miss the gentle kisses and the warm body beside me at night, but those things will come again soon enough. now is the time that i need to focus on my friends, on my school, and on myself. i don’t think that my love for this person will go away, hell i hope it leads to discovering each other once again. but if it doesn’t i can honestly say that, that person made me better. they helped me discover what i needed and wanted out of life, and i do not regret them at all. they are just another memory i hold dear to my heart. i know they think nothing of this now, but with time maybe in the future, maybe in a different life, they will realize that the love and care i had for them was something that too, made them better. being this young so many people say we don’t know what love is yet, but i truly think that i do. i think that i have been in love and i think that you can love again after a broken heart. because time does heal all. and if anyone takes the time to read my rant on why time is so precious, i hope they too understand that when you think your life is over just wait. go about your day like you did before you fell in love, when you were just another young spirit looking for something that makes you a better version of yourself. i ask you, if you feel like nothing is going right, to take a moment and imagine yourself doing something that makes you happy, and remember that until you accept yourself and you will never truly seek full happiness. and always remember time is on your side. 

day 4 of new diet = success.

7 pounds down

a lot to go.

= desire. 

and all that makeup girl you hide behind in those photographs gives only the impressions you want to be visible to the world, but eventually everyone will see right through you and see the faultiness of your character (or at least the one that i thought would always be there for me like i was for you) just as i saw when i needed my best friend the most.

and to think, i dont want there to be a break. i want everyone to stay at school because i’m stuck here. can’t go home for christmas. my friends aren’t going to be a 2 minute drive away. oh well, i’m looking forward to all this  money. being away from my mom sucks, but honestly what is making me the most upset is the fact that my friends who are going to be here will be with eachother, and if my intuition is right, which it usually is, this girl right here won’t have a full inbox of plans. things change and this isn’t going to be like last winter break. i severed the one tie that will keep me from seeing all the people i consider to be amazing friends. because of the fact that things won’t be comfortable for someone else. 

….let the fun begin.